Day 23 - Worst day so far

Yesterday - day 23 was the hardest by far. Don't really know why but every little thing wound me up and stressed me out. I felt ill, headachey and bloody miserable. In the past I have always soothed my emotions with food and the fact that i couldn't/wouldn't made me furious and vile. I was so horrible to Mum, Kel and Lew - sorry guys xx

I kept thinking about the food we can have next week on Add A Meal week and I wanted it there and then. I wasn't hungry at all - it was definitely the kind of binge crisis I have always had. Before the Cambridge diet the minute i got to work I would have ordered a sausage and egg baguette, a large tuna and mayo bap and a chocolate bar from the delivery guy and eaten it all straight away even though i would have told myself that the bap was for lunch. Then i would have spent the rest of the work day looking forward to popping to Tesco on the way home where i would have bought a luxury bag of 4 big choc chip cookies and eaten them all before i got home ( a 15 min drive) I might even have bought chocolate for me and kel to have after our dinner which if i was feeling as bad as i did yesterday would have been a big takeaway.

Glad i have just written that all down - makes the fact that i put some mushrooms in the Cambridge soup i had last night seem positively restrained lol

I really need to get my head round the addiction to food. I am worried that I will lose this weight but not deal with why i overeat and then either put it back on or more likely be forever miserable trying to maintain. As important as losing weight is i really feel that changing my relationship with food is equally important for me. I HATE the fact that it controls me.

If you do LighterLife you get counselling as well as food replacement packs but there is no way i can afford that for two of us. I love the Cambridge and it is definitely working. But I do think I need to work on my mind as much as my body. Don't quite know how yet - Mum has suggested talking to my GP about getting a counsellor. It really p's me off that if my addiction was drugs or alcohol there would be loads of support services.

Mum has really helped today - i was explaining (trying to apologise for my shocking behaviour yesterday!!) saying that i am just used to making myself feel better with food and mum pointed out that actually after that immediate rush i would have felt worse than i did before - and she is dead right but i couldn't see that yesterday.

If anyone has any helpful suggestions please let me know x