day 80! by munch

Well i cant say that I've enjoyed this last couple of days! working on yourself 'therapy' style is bloody emotional and draining. I've felt withdrawn and miserable and not really a useful member of society. Kel hasn't exactly been a barrel of laughs either as you can see from her post lol! I have been functioning on autopilot almost - like I'm present but not really with it lol. Anyway today is another day and i feel a damn site more 'normal'. Kel and I have been doing lots of talking about our issues with the world and food. we are so different, even though we both deal with problems and bad feelings by stuffing them down with food, our issues are completely different and so we need to talk to understand each other.

This week i went to aerobics, we both went for the 1st time last week but Kel couldn't come coz of work so i went on my own! yea me! I really enjoyed it, the only thing that bothers me is leaving mini munch home alone. Anyway there was a young girl there doing the class with her mum so i asked the instructor and Lew can come and do it next week! when i got home i was still really energised so i taught him the routine. - to be told it was 'well easy' and i should try doing p.e at school as that's much harder lol

On Sunday just gone we went to a gay wedding fayre! Despite the trauma of navigating the stupid one way and pedestrian only streets of Manchester city centre and the 'too close for comfort tram incident' - a lovely time was had by all 3 of us! Kel enjoyed it because, well it was a gay wedding fayre and that's like her all consuming passion at the mo. Lew enjoyed all the free nibbles - (we didn't enjoy the sugar induced annoyance on the way home). I enjoyed meeting an amazing photographer Damian Hall and whilst we were telling him our basic wedding plan i realised 2 things:
1. OMG we are getting married.
2. Our wedding sounds brilliant - i really want to go lol

The other great find for me was a woman called Sue who lives nearby and runs a Reiki circle in our village - small world eh! Anyway it seemed like too much of a coincidence and a bit 'guided' so i went to the 'circle' last night. I had no idea what to expect having only had Reiki on a 1 to 1 basis before. I was really nervous - mostly about finding the right place lol so i made kel take me!! Anyway it was lovely and i'll definitely go every week. We started with the healing circle which is distant healing to yourself and anyone else you place in the circle. Kel had no idea what i would do there and yet she said while i was there (and placing her in the circle lol) she went for a lie down and felt a great sense of calmness weird huh? After that we had some dowsing - never done it before, really enjoyed it! We did a great colour meditation that works on your aura and then the session was finished by giving and receiving healing. I just received - no where near ready to give yet - lol total performance anxiety!

day 60!

who'd have thunk it! Us two foodies (that's me being polite - what i mean is fatties) have done a vlcd for 60 days! I'm very proud of us both, yes we have had struggles when our food addict gremlins have shown up and maybe the odd bit of chicken has been eaten when it shouldn't but on the whole we have been bloomin fantastic. Yea us!

I'm getting excited now about add a meal next week. We've worked out the menu and imagined each meal (A LOT!) I feel much better this time round. The run up to the last aam i was in a state of pure panic! I know now though that i will be able to eat what we have planned and not overeat, not pick after the meal has gone and even better i know that once the week is over i will be totally able to stop and continue with another 4 weeks of ss-ing. I guess the fear i had last time was due to my feeling of ss being rehab - total abstinence is safe, ketosis means hunger is a very brief and fleeting thing and the lack of food choices means the lack of food 'issues'. But reintroducing food however limited surely would bring all the negative stuff with it? I was as surprised as anyone that at the end of each meal i felt full, satisfied and elated that i had some control over food. And come the sunday night and time to get ready for ss-ing for another 4 weeks i was fine and had no need to read the lecture I'd written myself the week before anticipating mega tantrums.

I'm starting to miss our little man a bit today - he's in Tunisia with my mum. He's told me to tell everyone he's in North Africa - apparently that's way more impressive! I don't know - any foreign destination sounds good to me, i haven't been abroad for 5 years! Funnily enough thats how long we have had the shop! in fact except for my illness last year I've never had more than 3 consecutive days off work lol
Mum and i had a chat before she went away and she has committed to letting me take a whole week off next year either the may hols or Easter. I am determined that we should get a last minute cheapo holiday abroad. Kel isn't as sold on the idea - she sees every penny spent as a lost opportunity to save for the wedding!

Talking of saving money I still haven't stopped smoking, kel and mum have been non smokers ages now - very naughty Munch. Made an appt with smoking cessation woman at the village chemist (for some bloody stupid reason my doctors don't do it) when i got there she had gone home ill. Tried to rebook it yesterday, took me a day or so to stop fuming, and was told she has now gone on holiday till November - honest to god! that is a well good enough reason to puff away in my opinon! No i am going to stop - spending an £5 a day on cancer sticks is ridiculous. I've got an appt with the doc on Monday anyway (i want to show him i've lost 4 stone so that when i go having lost 14 stone and need a tummy tuck he wont be too surprised lol) so I'm going to ask him if he'll prescribe champix coz its worked on mum and kel. We'll see what he says - i didn't think much of him but I've only seen him once so I'll give it a go.
wow that was a bit of a long post - sorry!

day 48

well check me out i've stuck to a diet for 48 days - bl**dy nora! Got to say i'm mightily impressed with myself - go Munch! I'm very excited about weigh in tomorrow, according to my scales i've lost 6lbs but i'd really like it to be at least 7 by tomorrow morning lol never satisfied

We're babysitting again tonight which is fab coz Kacey is just a bundle of gorgeous fun. I've never known such a happy child - she giggles about everything - not in a simple way though lol! She is so content in herself last time we had her when she woke up in the morning she was sitting in her cot playing with a dolly and giggling to herself for ages we just couldnt stop watching her. I'll probably be extremely broody again by tomorrow night when we have to give her back but its worth it to spend a night and a day with our adorable little monkey. Lew is mega excited too, he loves her to bits. I'm really impressed actually both with his attitude towards a little one and how he actually treats her. He loves playing with her and talks to her in a fab way - like a little daddy lol - i'm quite surprised really because as wonderful as Lew is I didnt expect a 12 yr old boy to be at all a*sed with a toddler let alone get excited and bang on about wanting baby sibs.

Excited to Start

So Kel and I have decided we are definitely going to do the Cambridge diet! We have done tons of research and been to see the Cambridge Counsellor and bought the stuff so now we just have to start. We have decided on Monday 11th August 2008 - not for any other reason than we want to start asap but we are away this weekend camping for Lew's birthday. Kel wants to drink wine sitting by the tent watching the sun set over the sea - how romantic! I just want to have my last fill of seaside junk food and the yummy doughnuts in benllech!