control

so monday and tuesday were awful after the ikea debacle on sunday. the addictive behaviour kicked in big time. I've talked about it (as all good self therapists should lol) and i think the fact that i ate in front of mum, she didnt really understand that eating week doesnt involve chips, made me feel all powerful and like i was 'getting away with it'. it gave me that buzz that secret eating used to. ON sunday night i had no idea that what i was saying about there being another 4 week stint till xmas and how motivated i felt about ss was just complete piffle. Monday night i binged. proper addictive behaviour. Tuesday i had all the good intentions in the world and was fine all day and yet the minute kel left for work that night i binged. again.
So my decision has been to follow the advice i'd read numerous times. if you are struggling to get back to ss then work down the plans. That doesnt mean i'm going to go up the plans tho first lol. the highest plan for me (other than at ikea) is add a meal so thats what i did last night. a very strict chicken, lettuce and cucumber. it worked. during the day if i had the addictive food thoughts they were easily banished with thoughts of the chicken to come. and after the salad i was fine too. a bit hungry but no binge. mind you kel was home so its much easier to stay on the str8 and narrow! Tonight is going to be the same and then i'm not sure about friday - we'll see how strong i feel. kel will be at on the late shift again. if on friday daytime i start having naughty thoughts about kel being out and nobody knowing what i eat then i will plan to have a salad. the thing about planing to eat as opposed to binging is a self esteem issue. if i plan to eat and plan a strict cambridge meal then when i eat it and nothing else with it the effect is positive. i feel good about myself. i took control and put a plan in motion so that i didnt binge. the effect of binging on your self esteem is the complete opposite and when you feel so low and have 'failed' its far to easy to do it again.

Slippery slope

well whoever thought it would be fine to go to ikea and have meatballs and chips was very wrong. very wrong indeed. its so hard to get back to ss. i really want food. not just because i'm proper hungry (thats what coming out of ketosis does to you) but just because food is out there - it should be eaten. by me. now. ARGH. its just so hard.

The Beach Hut in November

we're staying the night in a B&B in Holyhead so that we are already in anglesey ready for our big day touring round tomorrow looking for a reception venue. The best bit is that its add a meal week so we have been able to go out for a meal - hurrah! we had a gorge chicken and brie salad yum! tomorrow we are having a cooked breakfast - well its a B&B - we can't just do the 1 B! this is where we are staying.

Week 13 Wi

Hurrah I've lost 9lbs this week. I've really tried hard to get enough fluid because last week i really struggled. Its just to cold to be drinking loads of water - it made me feel all freezing inside. So i got us both a smallish thermos flask and we are having brews or warm weak juice instead. It seems to have worked anyway. I'm now 4 lbs off a total of 6 stone! My Bmi is 41 and I'm in another stone marker, god 19 something sounds good to me, well much better than 25 something! we've been doing lots of wedding planning and haven't spent anytime this week thinking about the diet at all. That's feels really good because it means that food or lack of isnt my main focus and that's how i want it to be when i stop this crazy diet. I want to just think about food when its the time to like making shopping lists and making tea - not all day every day like i had been. Unfortunately it means i have stayed away from minimins and that's probably not a great thing to do to my team - think I'll head over there now and explain.

week 12 wi

Hurrah - I've officially lost 5 stone! I started at 25st 2 and my bmi was 53 and 3 months later i am now 20st and my bmi is 42! Obviously there is still a way to go - i'm still obese but i feel fantastic, and i know i can and will get to goal. Been having a much better time this week already. I have not been going on the minimins forum for the last couple of days and i have stopped thinking about this diet so much. All i could think about was the Cambridge Diet - i felt suffocated by it. So I'm having a break from thinking about it and I'm just doing it!
I have set up a wedding blog because Kel was filling the pc with pictures and ideas i thought it would be nice for her to have one place to keep it all and be able to find it again. In doing it I've found some fantastic wedding sites out there really inspirational. Check out our blog at http://munchieswedding.blogspot.com/

oh and i finally stopped smoking on Saturday so that makes a grand total of 4 days so far. The Champix have really helped and they don't make me feel sick anymore. bonus!

No More Munching

Ok well time to be honest, I’ve had a really bad week work has been a complete nightmare so stressful and my hormones are all over the place. I’ve got my period something I never used to have and it is making me deal with new issues. You may be thinking hang on this is a classic over eater here, finding any kind of reason to excuse her stuffing her face. I hear you and reply...yes you’re probably half right. For the most part though I felt like my body was begging me to eat something and it wasn’t like I thought oh I’ll have a planned day off like the women do on the forum which you know infuriates me. I just wanted to eat and I made my peace with that and just did it. So what did I eat? It was mainly bread but I didn’t eat in an addictive way I just had a sandwich for lunch or a pasty then I joined in the tea and biscuits with the girls at work a couple of days. I just wanted to take some time out and I don’t feel too bad. I made it to week 12 for heavens sake. The worst thing was keeping it from munch, it wasn’t just because I thought she would be royally peed off but more that she might give up too, anyway in the end of course I had to tell her keeping secrets is something we find impossible to do good or bad. Anyway she was just really worried I might give up, but I explained I feel ready to get back to it now. It really was just like I needed to be normal for a while and as you know I’d been obsessively thinking about food for ages and I feel like I’m over it now and can continue on excited to lose again.

Ps. Much to Munch’s annoyance I actually lost 5lb