control

so monday and tuesday were awful after the ikea debacle on sunday. the addictive behaviour kicked in big time. I've talked about it (as all good self therapists should lol) and i think the fact that i ate in front of mum, she didnt really understand that eating week doesnt involve chips, made me feel all powerful and like i was 'getting away with it'. it gave me that buzz that secret eating used to. ON sunday night i had no idea that what i was saying about there being another 4 week stint till xmas and how motivated i felt about ss was just complete piffle. Monday night i binged. proper addictive behaviour. Tuesday i had all the good intentions in the world and was fine all day and yet the minute kel left for work that night i binged. again.
So my decision has been to follow the advice i'd read numerous times. if you are struggling to get back to ss then work down the plans. That doesnt mean i'm going to go up the plans tho first lol. the highest plan for me (other than at ikea) is add a meal so thats what i did last night. a very strict chicken, lettuce and cucumber. it worked. during the day if i had the addictive food thoughts they were easily banished with thoughts of the chicken to come. and after the salad i was fine too. a bit hungry but no binge. mind you kel was home so its much easier to stay on the str8 and narrow! Tonight is going to be the same and then i'm not sure about friday - we'll see how strong i feel. kel will be at on the late shift again. if on friday daytime i start having naughty thoughts about kel being out and nobody knowing what i eat then i will plan to have a salad. the thing about planing to eat as opposed to binging is a self esteem issue. if i plan to eat and plan a strict cambridge meal then when i eat it and nothing else with it the effect is positive. i feel good about myself. i took control and put a plan in motion so that i didnt binge. the effect of binging on your self esteem is the complete opposite and when you feel so low and have 'failed' its far to easy to do it again.